Christmas In the Room

Shopping is done, wrapping only left for a couple of gifts. I’m baking today, filling the apartment with the smell of cinnamon and ginger. I’m tasked with preparing desserts for tomorrow’s Christmas gathering. And, of course, while I’m baking, I have music on… Christmas music. It’s Christmas in the room…

I shared this song several years ago. Heard it while baking this morning and for some reason I became nostalgic. Of course, I’ve also been texting with sisters today, sharing in their activities from afar. We’re scattered across the country and the distance is acutely felt right now.

It’s been four years since dad passed. Mom is slowly fading away and I miss them both. Life goes on. I’m joining my daughter and extended family here in So. Cal tonight for Christmas Eve . I love them all and love being with them to celebrate holidays and milestones, but I’m missing the gatherings at my parents’ house with my siblings, watching all our kids running around. I miss the noise, the laughter, the chaos! I’m not saying there isn’t noise, laughter and chaos here, but it’s different. It doesn’t have the history and heartache that sweetened the laughter, the distinct language in the chaos.

I find myself crying and laughing at the memories… It’s ok, though. I will cry now, remembering and missing the joy and joys of the past. I will then dry my eyes and go enjoy today, the present. I will hug my babies tightly, praying they have good memories for the future. Life goes on. Today, though, it’s Christmas in the room…