My daughter shared this video with me a while back. We both love Sara Bareilles’ music. In fact, I shared three of her songs my last 365 Day Project (Days 79, 144 & 145). I heard the song again earlier today and thought it worth sharing. Over the course of the evening I heard news about my dad who’s still in the hospital. He’s not doing well, mentally. He doesn’t understand why he’s there. He has no recollection of what happened that brought him to the hospital and he doesn’t believe us when we tell him what happened. He wants to leave and he’s being combative with the staff.
We did find out that he didn’t have a stroke. All the tests they have run show no indication of a stroke but rather that he has had seizures. They say that it’s probably what affected his speech and his memory. He knows us, his daughters. He just doesn’t remember what happened to bring him to the hospital. His communication has improved somewhat from when he was first admitted. He has difficulty walking, though. Right now, we’re not sure what to do.
It’s all very similar to what happened to my mom last year following her stroke. We had no idea whether she was going to come back to us, what she was going to be like if she did. We had no idea. By God’s grace, she has recovered, but not without my dad there to help her. She’s not 100% back to where she was; she’s not as mobile as before, but she’s mentally present and aware.
With my dad, though… it’s different. Mom can’t physically care for him like he was able to care for her. He’s going to need someone there full-time to help and watch him. Of course, he doesn’t think he needs anyone to watch him, so that’ll be interesting. What a difference a year makes…
Anyway, I was listening to this song tonight and I was thinking about my dad. Or maybe, I thought of me and my relationship to my dad. He’s my dad. He’s always been there. He’s been the one, the silent one, always there to take care of things for me. He has never been much of a talker. He’s always been more the doer, the one to fix things, to do stuff to help. Interestingly, I just now realized I’m my father’s girl. I’m not a talker, either. I’m more the one to do stuff to help. I’m the one who goes to my daughter’s home and cleans the stovetop, or the fish tank or whatever else needs doing or fixing. Our love language, my father’s and mine, is acts of service. Fascinating to discover this now…
The interesting thing about this song is that I’m feeling I finally have to be brave. My dad’s always been the brave one for me, the one I could go to for help, for support. It’s all different now. People think I’m such a strong person, but they don’t realize how dependent I’ve been on my folks for that strength. I’ve always had my parents behind me, nagging quite often, but they were there. That stability is being shaken and I’m feeling… anxious. I need to be brave.
All Things Elda 