I mentioned earlier that I was reading Desiring God’s Advent e-book during this Advent Season. Today’s reading was essentially about how God works ALL things for His glory and our good. He ordains that “all the mammoth political forces and all the giant industrial complexes, without their even knowing it, are being guided by God, not for their own sake but for the sake of God’s little people—the little Mary and the little Joseph who have to be got from Nazareth to Bethlehem. God wields an empire to bless his children.”
That got me this evening. I find myself much as the writer of that e-book described, as feeling “little and insignificant in a world of seven billion people, where all the news is of big political and economic and social movements and of outstanding people with lots of power and prestige.”
And I find myself focusing on those big people and their big agendas and I forget that my God has a bigger agenda and His agenda trumps theirs. And His agenda includes helping me, but it is not my prosperity but my holiness that He seeks with all his heart, to paraphrase the writer. My holiness. That hit me hard.
I find that I fight against holiness, but not because I don’t want to be holy, but I must need separate my feeling the need to please people by being “good” from that desire to be holy. I’m tired of being “good.” I’m reminded of that verse in Mark where Jesus says only God is good. I find myself saying that. God is good! I’m not good! I’m tired of being “good.” I want to be “holy” and that’s an entirely different ball of wax (mixed metaphors intended…).
For some reason this song came to mind tonight as I pondered today’s Advent reading. One day I’ll be riding that white horse in the sky. I’ll be done with being “good” and be riding high. Must need hush now, to wait that one day.
All Things Elda 