This song goes back a few years. I first heard it in the movie, Twister, in 1996. I remember when the movie came out and seeing it in the theater. I’m a sucker for sci-fi-end of the world-mass destruction types of movies and I have to admit, I loved this movie. So much so, that this movie has become my go-to movie to have on when I’m puttering around the house or wanting to watch something that doesn’t require a lot of attention or thinking, you know what I mean. I’ve watched it countless times; I guess, because it brings back memories of Texas and watching storm clouds building and wanting myself to be a storm chaser all those many years ago.
It also came out the year my marriage came to an end and there are aspects of it that reflect the breakup and mass destruction of my marriage. But that’s not why I selected this song tonight.
I auditioned today and I don’t think I did very well. It’s sad, or masochistic that in order to pursue that which I love—performing—I must need endure the humiliation of auditioning; pouring my heart out, baring my soul, only to have my heart and soul rejected and left bruised and bleeding. I crawl back to my home to nurse my wounds and wonder if anyone will ever love me again, will ever want me enough to cast me in their production.
I came home tonight and immediately the melody of this song came to mind. As I looked for the video and listened again to the lyrics, I discovered this song fit present circumstances perfectly. I’ve had a life-long love affair with acting. Oftentimes, it has been unrequited love and I have cried myself to sleep many a night. But I keep going to auditions, to tryouts, seeking affirmation, seeking acceptance; hoping someone will love me, will want me for their leading lady, or even the crotchety old lady with all the great lines. I just wanna perform again.
All Things Elda 