Waiting Place

When did church become a bad place to be? When did I start hating to go to church? I feel like I’m going through my divorce all over again. I’m so dis-connected, dis-oriented, dis-jointed, distressed, dismayed, disemboweled. Yes, my guts are all over the place.

Sadly, it has been I who has let this affect me. I’m aware of it, but I’m still in a funk. I’m immobilized. I don’t want to do anything, commit to anything until this is resolved. I’m waiting, waiting, in a waiting place. A Dr. Seuss waiting place, just waiting. It’s driving me crazy. I’m angry, sad, depressed. But that only means I’m angry, just not acknowledging it. Who am I angy at? You, God? For letting this go on for so long? for not dealing with this sooner? Who’s learning the lesson here? Oh. I hate when it’s me. But it can’t just be me. Who else, Lord? What’s it going to take?

My heart hurts.